Planning a Wedding From Another State: A Real Bride's Minnesota Wedding Story | Ep. 064

[00:00:13] So today I'm here with Bailey Olmschenk. She's an engineer by profession who loves staying active outside of work. She's a former hit coach, an avid golfer, traveler, sports fan, and describes herself as a type B personality. I'm excited to have her on the podcast to share what it was like planning a wedding in her home state while living several states away. Thank you for being here. Yeah, thanks for having me. What a nice introduction. So let's just dive straight into it. How did you decide on your wedding date and season?

[00:00:42] So, although we were living in North Carolina at the time, all of our friends and family for the most part were in Minnesota, at least like a big majority of them. So we wanted to have the wedding there. And we also wanted to make sure that it was going to be nice out so we could like take nice pictures. So we thought it'd be the best to do it like in the summer.

[00:01:05] But then we started to look at like venues and stuff and a lot of the summer ones were booked up. So we did a September wedding. So that's kind of how we chose the time. And it's also in Minnesota, it's more likely to be like a sunny day like later in the season. It's more likely to rain earlier, even though it actually did end up raining on our wedding day. But yeah, we just wanted like good weather for the wedding. So we chose September.

[00:01:31] That's cool. And so for September in Minnesota, I know Minnesota, since it's up north, it gets a little bit colder than like down south. How cold was it on your wedding day?

[00:01:40] It was unseasonably cold and rainy on our wedding day. But it was actually it was perfectly fine. Like, to be honest, to make sure that I didn't go crazy, like everyone like kind of shut the windows. So I didn't even know it was raining for a while, like while we're getting ready. And our photos were like 30 minutes delayed because of that. But otherwise, our ceremony was outdoors. It was sunny during the photos and the ceremony. And then we went back inside, it started raining again. So it was actually perfect.

[00:02:06] But it was about like 50 to 65 degrees, which I thought was actually perfect for like taking pictures, like nobody was sweating. And like, I was a little bit nervous. So I was like a little bit hot anyways. So I thought it was perfect for like the guys in suits and just for like overcast is always good for pictures as well.

[00:02:27] Yeah, I love that. I personally lean that it's always better for it to be cold on your wedding day rather than too hot. Although, you know, of course, I say that and I'm having my wedding in July. So Oh, geez. Yeah, I was actually just at a wedding in Phoenix in March and it was unseasonably hot. It was my sister-in-law getting married and it was 104 degrees. So in March? In March in Phoenix. It was insane. It was it was all great.

[00:02:52] It was such like a beautiful day. It always, you know, turns out and just like the people you have around you is probably like the most important part. But we were definitely sweating. Yeah, no, that that's actually wild for Arizona. Like I would never even think that in March, I guess Arizona stays hot, but at least it's dry heat. Yeah, it's dry. I love it. And now, did you have a specific theme or style in mind for your wedding?

[00:03:23] My style? I don't know. I'm like, I'm pretty type B. So I was basically just like scrolling Pinterest, Instagram, and I'd be like, oh, maybe I want it to be like a classic style. Oh, maybe we want eclectic. Maybe we want like clean girl. I don't know. Like there were so many different styles I kept like bouncing and back and forth about. But I ended up just having to like settle on one. And I kind of went with like a more like, at the time, it was more like eclectic, like the colors that I chose.

[00:03:52] Like the I did three colors, actually, like orange, fuchsia, and then light pink. And at the time, that wasn't like a very common like color spread. Like a lot of people were doing like greens and blues. And then actually, like, after I'd chosen the colors, like that spring, there was like a Love is Blind wedding that aired that was the exact same color. So then it kind of became popular.

[00:04:16] But at first, I was trying to be like unique, to be honest, with like the three colors and the pinks and stuff in the fall. But I ended up really liking it. Oh, that's cool. I love that. How did you come to choose those colors?

[00:04:29] I was literally just scrolling Pinterest. And I saw like a really, like, I'm not very good at making mood boards. And I found this other woman's mood board that she had made with those colors. And I was like, okay, yep, that's perfect. Like this has all the flowers I need. And like, the bridesmaids too, we're all wearing like different colors, like different shades of pink, different shades of orange. And I was like, okay, yep, that just feels right.

[00:04:51] So I would say just like, in general, most of the things that I chose weren't like what I've been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I just I'm not the type to I wasn't dreaming about my wedding forever. But it's just like based off vibes. And like, I saw it. And I was like, yep, that's right. Oh, that's cool. I love that. I also like like the different colors of dresses for the bridesmaids. I think that's fun.

[00:05:13] Yeah, I think it's I don't know if it's like just a trend that's going on now. But I saw it and I feel like it's so painful to like, if everyone has the same, like, cut dress, same color dress, and like not everybody looks good in the same colors and in the same cut. So I just I just let my bridesmaids just kind of choose whatever they wanted.

[00:05:31] Yeah, I feel like that's becoming more of a thing now, especially like the different styles and cuts of dress because like, but like also color is huge, too. Because like not every color looks complementary to like skin tones, hair color, etc. Yeah, I mean, I definitely feel that like I've got red hair, pale skin, like I don't look good in red. I don't look good in orange, like things like that. So I'm very empathetic towards people choosing their own colors.

[00:05:57] Yeah, no, I totally get that. And now did you have help planning? I think you mentioned that you had a planner later stage in your engagement and planning process. Yeah, so first, like we wanted our wedding to be pretty chill, low key again, like I wasn't dreaming of anything big. I just wanted to make sure that like I had all my people there. But then like halfway through the year, we kind of decided like, oh, there's no way we're gonna be able to do this ourselves. Just with like how type B I am. And like,

[00:06:26] so we actually had a family friend of my husband who did wedding planning, she like used to run a boutique. And then she started wedding planning a couple years back. So she helped us out. And that was like, probably one of the best choices that we made because she helped with a lot of, like, we were actually originally gonna have the ceremony at my parents house. And then she kind of ran us through some of the logistics. And we realized like, if we would have done that, it would have been such a mess just with like,

[00:06:52] getting people in and out like bathrooms, chairs, like just everything. So she definitely helped like, plan things out and then also help us avoid some things that could have been a disaster on the day of. Hmm. That's good. And was she would you consider like her as a full planner or partial planner? I would say she was a full planner, I would say she even went like above and beyond since she kind of was like a family friend. And then her daughter also helped out.

[00:07:20] Who's also like, they've known my husband's family for like years and years and years. But we were meeting like once a month, about five months before the big day. And like we're constantly like texting each other. Like I was really bad at like creating a vision for the wedding. So her daughter would send me like Pinterest things. She's done me like five different options for candles, five different options for flowers and be like, okay, you choose which one you think you like the best, like signage and everything. So I think they just they just did like a completely fantastic job of like,

[00:07:49] I wasn't good at creating a vision, but they really kind of gave me options for the vision. And then I was able to choose it. So I would say yeah, they were full planning before they did all the flowers. They helped set up everything the day of and then they were also like coordinators the day of but they were also they would have been invited to the wedding anyways. So they were also great guests and had fun towards the end.

[00:08:11] That is maybe why we didn't get our we didn't get our marriage license signed day of because they were having a lot of fun at the reception and we ended up missing it. But it was all good. Yeah, I feel like that's one of those things that like directly after the ceremony if you're not signing that it's like straight out of the mind. You just don't even think about you forget completely.

[00:08:33] Yeah, and they actually came with the certificate. It was like 1130 at night and the daughter was like, Oh crap, we never signed it. So they brought it to the dance floor. And we signed it on the dance floor, but our officiant had already went to bed. So we had to do a little bit later, but it all worked out. Oh, that's good. And now I'm curious. So you mentioned that they kind of brought the vision to life. What information did you provide them initially that like they kind of worked off of?

[00:09:03] I basically gave them we had a conversation I gave them like the colors and then I just said things that I liked. Like I told them like I didn't want anything to be like basic. I wanted it to be original. I like I don't know like patterns like random bold colors. I like the venue that we had was like there was like exposed brick, but I also wanted it to feel modern. I don't know. I just basically had a conversation with them and they proposed like a bunch of different options.

[00:09:33] Gotcha. That's cool. But I would say like I was pretty easy to work with, but probably the most difficult thing is that my vision was not clear. But I'm also like pretty I was I wasn't like set on anything. So I was pretty like easy going with some of the suggestions that they had. Yeah, that's nice. I feel like that gives them some kind of flexibility to kind of like mold as they go of like, OK, you like this. You don't like this. And that gives them like a temperature check, I think, a little bit to like go in the correct direction of what you're thinking.

[00:10:02] Yeah. And they were like building up their business, too. So like they had some things like in stock that I could already use that they'd used at previous weddings. And I was just like, yeah, that's fine. Just use that. Like I don't need anything special. So that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I always love when a planner has some like decor on hand. You're like, yep. Yes. Let's just use that. Awesome. And now I'm curious. Did you set a budget from the start and was it challenging to stick to it? Um, it was interesting.

[00:10:32] Like when we were setting the budget, we basically had conversations because our parents helped us out a lot with the wedding. So we had a conversation with our parents on like, hey, what is his side covering? What is my side covering? And we all kind of thought it was going to be cheaper from the beginning. We're like, oh, this will probably cost this. This will probably cost this. But we definitely had some like scope creep. But we did set a budget and it was about, I'll say like total the budget was like 40 grand.

[00:11:00] And we ended up around like 65. Gotcha. And how many guests did you have? We had, I think we invited 200 and about like 175 showed up. So it was pretty big. Yeah. Guest count always just, that's, I feel like guest count is like the start of scope creep. It's like everything, you know, like everything you're getting catering and drinks wise and sometimes dessert and all the other stuff.

[00:11:29] Just scope creep when you like have like a higher guest count. Yeah. And then like last minute, like, you know, groomsman gets a new girlfriend that he wants to bring and, you know, happy to have them there. But it's like, okay, now we just added an extra $150 of drinks and food and all that. Gotcha. And now on that.

[00:11:51] So I know there was some scope creep, but initially or like just throughout it, where did you guys kind of decide to prioritize investing in like budget wise and like the items of your wedding? And then like, where did you guys maybe like deprioritize on stuff like maybe that wasn't as important to you guys? Yeah, I would say we I wanted to prioritize on like the vibes for the guests. So just like having it in like a nice location.

[00:12:17] And then like making everything like look beautiful for like pictures kind of. So like we chose like a nice venue. But we I lived in Minneapolis for a while and he is more local to like the Twin Cities. But my parents are from southern Minnesota and that's where a lot of my family and friends are from. So we kind of deprioritized location, I would almost say. So we had it in southern Minnesota. So it'd be cheaper, which I think was a good decision.

[00:12:45] But then just on like decor, we made sure we were like spending money there. And then also like we chose like the best venue in southern Minnesota, I would say. What was your venue called? So we had two venues. So because originally we were going to do the ceremony at my parents house. So we chose the Capitol Room in St. Peter, Minnesota. It's an old armory for the reception. And then after we started talking with the planner, like how expensive the logistics could be for my parents place.

[00:13:15] And then, you know, there could be like unexpected like weather and everything that could make it complicated. We ended up having the ceremony at Chankaska Creek Winery in St. Peter. So the venues were only like, I think it was a six minute drive between the two. So they're pretty close, but like both venues were great. We had the ceremony outside at Chankaska. And then if it would have rained, we wouldn't have a backup plan there. But the Capitol Room said we could do the ceremony there if there was like crazy weather.

[00:13:44] So. Oh, nice. That's good. I always love a good backup plan when there's like potential for rain, which I feel like is basically all the time. Yeah. I mean, my dream, if I had one dream, it would be to have the ceremony outside. So that was like really important for me. So even though it was kind of a risk, like putting a down payment down for Chankaska, even though we wouldn't get the money back if it rained. I was like, that's worth the risk because that's what I really wanted. And it worked out. Yeah. A lot of good natural lighting when you have an outdoor ceremony.

[00:14:14] Yes. Yes. It was great. Especially on like a 65 degree day. Absolute perfect weather. It was perfect. And it was sunny too during the ceremony. It was perfect. Oh, that's awesome. And now I know you kind of mentioned like with the scope creep, what would you say were like the most unexpected costs for you guys? So this is, I thought about this one for a while. This was nuts, actually.

[00:14:37] So our caterer, like when we originally got the quote, they only gave us prices for the food. I don't know if they do this on purpose, but they gave us like price per plate. And we're like, okay, you know, $40 per plate. That's fine. But then when we got the, like after we had signed, it was coming up to the wedding date. There was also like, you had to pay for silverware plates, napkins, and a service per person too. So that was like an extra couple thousand dollars.

[00:15:05] I would say that was probably the most unexpected thing that had happened. Like, oh, we agreed on $35 or $40 per plate. And now there's an extra $10 per plate. And when you have, you know, 175 people, that's an extra. Like almost two grand, right? Yeah. I would say that was probably. And then I think they built in a tip, which is great. They deserve a tip and everything. But I was like, oh, wait. So this went from like a, I don't even, I'm doing mental math, but like an $8,000 bill to like an $11,000 bill.

[00:15:35] So that was kind of, that was probably like one of the biggest things. So definitely ask about those like hidden fees right off the bat. That's one of those things that I feel like, you know, like couples in the planning process. And I've even, you know, had like a few times where like I ask a question and I'm like, I feel like I'm probably being pushy asking like a question that like, they're like, it's obvious, you know, you don't need to ask me that. But it's not. No, I need to ask you that just to make sure. Yeah. Like I'm not trying to like be pushy.

[00:16:04] I'm just trying to make sure that I know what I'm getting myself into. So I feel like having no shame like in those conversations and kind of knowing like there might be service fees, there might be plates, you know, silverware. Yeah. Gratuities that are required, like even with like alcohol, corkage fees. Corkage fees on top of service fees. On top of the per person. Like it just, it gets crazy. So, yeah, I feel like that is one of those things that totally just creeps up on you.

[00:16:32] I'm curious with the caterer. Did they give you the option that if you wanted someone else to provide those rentals of plates and silverware and such, would they allow that or were they like, you have to do it through us? We honestly didn't ask. It was kind of close to the day and we were like, okay, screw it. Let's just do it. But I think one thing, like we made that arrangement before we had the planner involved. The planner's name was best.

[00:16:59] And I think like once we had her involved with the vendors, she was asking all those questions because she's seen people get burned before by that. So I think like if we would have involved her earlier as like an advocate, I think we probably would have like seen that coming a little bit easier. Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. And now I'm curious, you know, using a planner and then also planning a little bit like the selecting the caterer before engaging her as a planner.

[00:17:28] What was your guys' approach to finding vendors within your budget before and then after finding a planner? Um, I would say we found most of our vendors before the planner, to be honest, just because our planner got involved in January. And I think we found most of our vendors in December. But for the venue that we chose, they had like a selected number of vendors for food that we could do. So we only like a choice of four.

[00:17:55] And like being from the area, I kind of knew which ones were the good ones and which ones were the bad ones. And there's kind of a clear choice. So and they were like they were great and everything is just the unexpected costs. That was not like the best. Yes. And then let's see the photographer. We just gotten like a recommendation from a friend and they did a fabulous job. Let's see. I think a DJ, I just like found somebody online and it was like really cheap. And I've got like funny stories about them, actually. Yeah.

[00:18:24] But and they also came with like a photo booth service. Oh, that's cool. The vendors, we just I was very like type B. So I was just like first person I found online. Boom. Like, hey, a friend recommended them. Boom. Like I wasn't super picky or like looking into people's work, to be honest, before. Gotcha. And now kind of pivoting to venue and logistics, what qualities were important to you guys in a venue? I know you mentioned for ceremony it was like an outdoor spot. But what else kind of drew you guys to both your venues?

[00:18:55] Um, I would say for the reception, it was just the vibe. I didn't really have. It was all just about and that's just kind of how I live my life. It's all based on like how I feel about something. Um, and I never even toured it. Like I had to have my mom and some of her friends tour because I was not in Minnesota. Um, so they just like FaceTime me basically. And I was like, yep, this just feels right. Let's do it.

[00:19:19] Um, it was in St. Peter, which doesn't have like the best accommodations just because it's a small town. Like there was like two hotels, but there were a couple of Airbnbs. Like it was 15 minutes away from Mankato. Um, so I was just like send it. I liked the like exposed brick feel a lot. Um, and there was like this big like rafter almost where there was like old bleachers.

[00:19:42] But like during our like first or like the announcement of like us as a couple, like we went up there and they like lit off fireworks and stuff. Oh, cool. That was not fireworks, like cold sparks or something. Some kind of spark. It was it was really cool. So that I really liked that part. And like the getting ready room was also really cute. Like I knew we were going to spend like a lot of our day there. Um, so and yeah, just somewhere to accommodate 200 people. Yeah. That's kind of the main. But yeah, good vibes like chandeliers all over the place and cute lighting.

[00:20:11] And they were really good. Um, they're really good reception hall. That's awesome. And now I'm curious with your experience, like, you know, choosing an outdoor venue and thinking about rain plans and stuff like that. Are there any questions you think couples should ask venues before booking? Um, I mean, the obvious one is just like, hey, can I get a refund if it rains or do you have a game plan? I mean, my vendor said no, and I still just went for it.

[00:20:37] But I would say like, make sure that you do have a backup plan because it really could have we could have gotten rained out. So I guess I made sure we had a backup plan in the reception hall. And like, how soon can we let you know? And they were like, hey, like, if you have a disaster the morning of, they were going to add an extra like $600 to have the ceremony there. But we were like, okay, yeah, that's fine if it's pouring rain. But I would say that's about it. Oh, your own alcohol is one.

[00:21:05] And my parents actually negotiated with the vendor a little bit when they were there. Because my parents are really into like nice bourbons. So they like negotiated. They were like, hey, if we do our reception here, like, can we have a couple of our own bottles of bourbon? And they actually said yes, which was nice. But usually it's like you can't bring anything in. They did let us do the late night snack ourselves. So we got like Hy-Vee. Hy-Vee is like the northern like Harris Teeter. And we got like the Chinese food.

[00:21:33] And that was like absolutely amazing. And that was a good way to cut costs, I thought, too. Like a late night snack, not be like an actual vendor. Just like getting like a grocery store type of thing. Especially when everyone's a little drunk. It's not a huge deal. But now I'm curious, did you guys have them deliver? Yes, we did. Yeah, they did like a catering thing. But it was like it was pretty cheap. I think it was like, look, in terms of weddings, it was like $500 to feed 175 people Chinese food. Like that's pretty dang good. Yeah.

[00:22:02] So that's really affordable. Yeah. In the grand scheme of things. Yeah. In the grand scheme of things when like that only feeds like seven people a meal. So. Yeah, exactly. And now, how did you guys manage the guest list? I know you mentioned you had 175 people initially invited, 200. Did you guys have any like challenges selecting people? Not really.

[00:22:30] I mean, there was the first question of like how far do we want to go with family and extended family? Because, you know, we were like thinking like we could invite, like we invited like our aunts, uncles, cousins. Kids was kind of a conversation at the beginning. Like, do we want kids there? But we said no for the most part. But I've got some first cousins who are pretty young. And we're like, okay, like our first, my first cousins have to come. We want them there. But otherwise, I don't know. We were kind of open.

[00:23:00] Especially at the beginning, we thought we'd come in like under budget. And our parents were helping us out. So like we let our parents invite all their friends. We invited like, we didn't invite our parents, our parents, aunts and uncles. Like that's kind of where we stopped it. Especially those that we weren't like super close with. But yeah, otherwise we didn't really have any challenges with the guest list. That's nice. He invited more people than I did because his family was a little bit bigger. I'd say like he was on a like a college hockey team.

[00:23:28] So we invited all of his like hockey teammates and stuff. So he had probably like two extra tables. But otherwise, it was pretty even. Gotcha. And now when did you guys send out your invitations? And then when did you send save the dates if you did both? We did both. So the save the dates, especially because in Minnesota, like everybody does their wedding in the summer pretty much. So it gets pretty booked up. Like one of my best friends actually couldn't make my wedding. She was in a different wedding the same day. It was so sad. Oh, wow.

[00:23:57] One of my friends from high school. Yeah. What are the odds? Yeah, I know. Well, everyone. Yeah, it's like there's only basically three months out of the year you want to get married here. So but let's see. We sent him out. Save the dates. We did December and then the actual invitations. I think we did June. Okay. Gotcha. So you guys gave yourselves some time between your actual like wedding.

[00:24:22] And then like, well, so you sent invites in June, but when did you require RSVP for your invites? I think we did by July 1st. You know what? We might have sent him out in May and then we did the RSVP by July 1st, but there's like tons of people who were late and that was fine. So we did RSVP by two months in advance just because we knew people would be kind of late. And then that gave us a chance to like text everyone who hadn't RSVP'd. Yeah, that's super smart.

[00:24:50] I'm a huge fan of like sending in advance, like make that RSVP deadline way far out, like two months, three months. I'm pretty sure like for food and stuff, we only needed to know the numbers two weeks in advance. Like they're pretty flexible, but that's why we like made sure that there was a deadline so that, you know, we'd start getting those numbers finalized by then. Yeah, that's super smart.

[00:25:18] What was your process for finding your dress and how did you know it was the one? Yeah. So again, I've been like dreaming about it for a while. So I was like, all I knew going in is that I didn't want like a strapless dress. And then I tried on eight dresses. And then the last one I tried on was strapless. And I just like looked at myself and I was like, this is beautiful. This is my dress. So I went in being like, I don't want to do a strapless dress. And then that's what I ended up with.

[00:25:47] Just because I am like a little more fair skinned. So I was like, I don't know. I was just like worried about like how my chest would look like just super white with like a white dress. But I ended up just like loving the strapless look. Like I was like a very classic like strapless. There was like a big kind of like bow in the back almost like not like a cheesy bow, but it was very like relaxed. It was kind of like a piece of fabric like around my waist that tied. And then I also wore like a scarf.

[00:26:15] So like a long like white piece of fabric, just like not like wrapped around my neck, but just like more like draped off the back. So just like what was like a very classic look. But I just I don't know. I just like looked at myself and I was like, yep, this is what I'm getting married in. And I like start crying. No, I love that. That's so sweet. I love like all the emotion behind finding the dress and also like the just like how funny it is that you go in with like an idea of what you want. And then sometimes you start trying them on.

[00:26:43] You're like, OK, I don't know. I have no clue what I want anymore. Mm hmm. Yeah, exactly. Like there were so many that I thought I would like like that a lot. And then I was like, no. Yeah, that's why I'm like, I think like going in person and just trying on dresses, even if like shopping and like trying on stuff is not really someone's vibe. Like it's so helpful. You have to. Yeah. Yeah. You can see so many more styles. And they make it a fun experience, too. Like everybody's so nice and like excited for you.

[00:27:13] Like that's literally their whole job. So literally they're usually so welcoming. I love it. And now how did you decide on your bridesmaid dresses? Yeah, so that was just kind of like we talked about before. Like it was just like a picture that I saw and I just sent all my friends that picture. And I was like, I did tell people. I had them choose their colors. So like, you know, you have to kind of choose the order, too, of how they're going to walk down the aisle. So I chose I let them choose their colors.

[00:27:43] And then I like ordered the and then I was like, oh, wait, crap, I should have assigned colors so I could order them in a certain way. But it actually worked out really well. Unlike because I didn't want it to be like pink next to pink next to pink with orange next to orange. Yeah. But I basically just let them try their own. And I just said like, hey, text me like a couple ideas. And then I was kind of I only had to veto like two different dresses. And it was just because of like the color wasn't exactly what I wanted. But otherwise, I just like basically told them yes or no.

[00:28:11] So that's awesome. And now with that, since you had different colors for them, did you go through one like source still or did you kind of just let them choose from like different like online or in-person sources? Yeah, different online, different in-person. Like I wasn't strict on like the exact color. I just like I know one of my bridesmaids wanted like a hot pink dress and I was like, OK, yeah, that's not the pink we're talking about. And then one wanted like a dark orange. I was like, not going to match.

[00:28:40] But otherwise, like any pink or orange that was like bright but not like neon and not like dark jewel tone was the vibe. So I wasn't very like particular about it. Just like pink or orange and not too far out of the spectrum. So it's pretty easy. And they went to all types of different vendors. I don't think anyone actually bought it from like a bridal shop.

[00:29:05] Like I think a lot of them were like anthropology, Zara, like boutique, whatever. Oh, that's cool. And some of them were patterned. Some of them were plain colored. Like I actually liked that there was a couple like floral patterns in there. I thought that kind of like just added some texture. So yeah, that's fun. That's very unique. Yeah. And now staying kind of on the bridal party, how did you choose your bridal party? It was actually like, and this is kind of a unique problem.

[00:29:35] Like because I, so when I got engaged, I'd only been in North Carolina for about a year. So like I had my Minnesota friends. I had my North Carolina friends. So there was like some moments like, I don't know, it was kind of hard to choose because like my Minnesota friends, I wasn't like seeing as often anymore. But like I used to be like really close with them. And now that I moved back to Minnesota, I'm really close with them again. And then like my North Carolina friends were a little bit newer, but I got very close very quickly. So it was kind of difficult for me actually to choose a bridal party.

[00:30:05] Like I'm happy with my choice, but honestly, I probably would have included more. Like there's people that I regret not putting in my bridal party, to be honest, because I was like, oh, like I don't talk to them all the time. Like because I moved. But then like I chose my bridal party a year before the wedding and then it got to the wedding day and I was like, oh, shoot, like I kind of wish I would have included these guys. So I don't know. I think I was maybe like overthinking it, but I think because I moved it, like made it kind of challenging to be like, okay, like are we still, I don't know.

[00:30:34] Like just because we're not like talking every day, like would you still want to be my bridal party? I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, I ended up choosing like I had seven in mine and then my husband had nine. Oh, wow. But yeah, just looking back, I probably would have added like a couple more girls, but you know, it's all right. Hmm. Now for like brides in the process of choosing their wedding party, how would you kind of like if you're talking to past Bailey while she's selecting them, how would you have potentially

[00:31:04] advised her to select maybe people who you weren't in contact with daily, but you're kind of like this person's important to me. I know like what would your like litmus or your scale would have been to like suggest to past you when selecting? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I would think like, like I was like, okay, who do I talk to a lot like every day now? But then like looking back, I'd be like, okay, who's going to be in your life for like

[00:31:32] a long time would be my, but I don't know. It's just hard to like judge those types of things. And like, I look at like my mom's wedding party or like other like older adults in my life. And I'm like, wait, who are those people? Like they aren't in their life anymore. So like, it's fine if you like, you don't necessarily, or it's like, Hey, like you're friends with this person at the time and they're not in your wedding. It's like, you just can't really like foreshadow that. But yeah, no, no regrets. Just like maybe would have added a couple more girls.

[00:32:00] But yeah, I would just say like, you know, even if you don't necessarily talk to someone every day, like, are they going to be in your life for a long time? Did they play an important role in like you and your husband's story type of thing? Gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like that's great advice. I feel like, like you said, it is hard to like, if it's like a year in advance or a year and a half in advance, sometimes like two years, you're just like, I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen in this amount of time. It's almost like vulnerable too, because like there were a couple situations where I'm

[00:32:28] like, okay, like they're a good friend for me, but like, am I one of their good friends? Like, are they going to want to like go to the bachelorette and like spend all this money and like pay to go to my wedding and like pay for what? Like, of course you're going to the wedding, but like, do you want to pay for all the like bridesmaids stuff? Like, are we that close? Just because I've heard of horror stories of like, I'm not that close to this person, but I'm going to their $2,000 bachelorette party or something. Oh, yeah. So I was like, I think I was thinking too hard about it because I'd seen stuff on social media, but like, I don't know. Ultimately, like everything went well.

[00:32:55] And like the girls that I didn't include and like kind of wish I would have, like I've had conversations with them since like, oh, you know what? I should have had you in there. Oh, that's sweet. It's good that you let them know. I feel like, yeah, like everything kind of just happens as it happens, but it sounds like it worked out perfectly. Yeah, it worked out well. And now kind of pivoting to your timeline and coordination, what did your wedding day timeline look like? And did you guys do a first look or did you wait until the ceremony to see each other? Sure.

[00:33:24] So the timeline again, like, thank God we had our planner because I would have had no idea how to like think about all those details because there's so many like in between things. Like they put like a 15 minute block in the calendar for like transportation to the venue, which like is obvious, but that's honestly just type B. I probably wouldn't have thought about that. So yeah, I think the girls started getting ready at like 8 a.m. because we had like a hair and makeup person come in, you know, the classic, like someone's

[00:33:54] got to start their makeup at 745. And then when I did like the timeline of like who goes first, I thought about like the hair type that people have. So like my husband's sister is like really thick, like holds a curl well. So like I put her first for hair. And then I put like my friends with like thinner hair that might not be able to hold a curl because my hair is thin and doesn't hold a curl like later in the timeline just to try to like make sure everybody's hair held accordingly.

[00:34:22] The boys, I think, got together at like 10. And then so we were just like getting ready for a couple hours. We did a first look before the ceremony, me and my husband. And we just wanted to like for our vows, we had like a just a personal vows basically that we wanted to say to each other. And then we like cut some of those out for like the actual ceremony. So that's why we wanted to do a first look before and just so we could have like a special moment.

[00:34:50] But then we realized we were having a special moment with like two photographers, our videographer and our videographer's boyfriend in the room. And I actually felt super like when I was saying our vows, like me and him are crying. Like he never cries. And I literally like halfway through, I was like, guys, I really appreciate you guys being here and like capturing this moment. But can you leave? Like, I just want this to be special. Aww. And they like totally understood. They're like, oh yeah, I got it. So like they left. And I think that was like, honestly, like one of the most special parts of the day when it was like just me and him in the room, like no photographer.

[00:35:20] And I was like, okay, like this feels a lot more natural. So then we like continued the vows and like that was really sweet. But I felt kind of bad at the time. I was like, can you guys leave? I'm sorry. This just isn't it. But they like everyone just listens to the bride on your wedding day. So it was fine. I like commend you on actually like speaking up though, because I think like a lot of people would have been like, I feel awkward asking them to leave. But also I feel like I can only genuinely feel this moment and like really dive into this without them here.

[00:35:48] Well, it feels performative when someone's like videotaping you. No, like it's like, oh, do I look good? Like, am I saying the right things? Like, I don't know. So like I just needed them to leave and like give us five minutes basically. Yeah, that's a smart call. And I feel like you probably still got some good like photos and stuff of it like initially. So yeah, yeah, we got so many photos throughout the day. So I was still really happy with it. I love it.

[00:36:14] And now for your vows, did you guys use like traditional vows when you were doing like the official ceremony and then like personal vows beforehand during that first look? We, I would say we wrote our own vows and we didn't really like base it off any tradition. Like we still did like the whole I do thing. And like, I like put some jokes in my vows. Only that I said in front of other people in front of him, like it was very like serious and sappy and stuff, but they weren't necessarily like traditional, I would say.

[00:36:44] But yeah, I felt super comfortable like public speaking. He was a little bit more nervous, I would say. Like he did like a speech to like he was going to do a speech to like welcome everybody to the reception and then he got nervous. So I helped him too. Oh, that's sweet. I feel like it is one of those things where you're like, I'm like an outgoing person, but then you get like a mic in your hand and you're like, I don't, I don't do this enough. I don't know what this, I'm not prepared. He was super outgoing, but yeah, I just didn't want him to be like actually like nervous on the day for that. So I was like, no, like I got, I got you.

[00:37:14] Yeah. I'm super comfortable. Yeah. You've spoken in front of hundreds of people. Mm-hmm. We got this. Yeah. At my own wedding, it's going to be easy. Yeah. Right. You know most of the people. Yeah. So we didn't necessarily have any like, we are both religious, but we didn't necessarily have a religious ceremony. We just had like one of his buddies do the ceremony, which was actually amazing. Gotcha. Gotcha.

[00:37:39] And now I'm curious with your wedding music, how did you guys choose your reception music and your first dance songs and things like that? Yeah. So we basically just like, again, very laissez-faire. We just created like a Spotify playlist and we just added to it over the year of like lit songs. Like we'd be in the car on the way to the gym and we'd be like, oh, this song's got to play at our wedding. And then we just told our DJ to play just like a playlist off Spotify. So she had a super easy job.

[00:38:09] First dance song, me and my dad were super last minute. And this is actually something kind of unique that we did. Like we played like a cheesy country. Me and my dad are not very cheesy at all. We played a cheesy country song for like a minute. And then we had like family members throw us lightsabers. And then we like played like a Star Wars song and like battled in front of everybody. That's so fun. It was so silly. But we like both really liked Star Wars like when I was growing up. So that was unique. And then for our first dance song, we just chose something like kind of sweet.

[00:38:39] It was a Maren Morris song. Oh, it's called Background Music. It's really sweet. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah. Oh, nice. I love that. And now for his dance with his mom, how did he select that song? Um, I think it was an Ed Sheeran song. I think it was just, it was just like a sweet song that they both liked. I don't know. That's fun. I feel like Ed Sheeran is like definitely wedding music. Yeah, for sure.

[00:39:09] And now you mentioned your photographer earlier. How did you choose your photographer? And did you have like a videographer? I think you mentioned you had a videographer as well. Yeah. So for the photographer, it was just like a family friend recommendation. You're like, hey, these people do a great job at weddings. So we just, we only got quotes from them, to be honest. And they did a fantastic job. And it also came with like a free engagement shoot. So that was great. And then for the videographer, we weren't gonna have one.

[00:39:38] But then my friend who actually did the reading during the ceremony, her sister like has a videographer business. Where she would like take videos for like companies for commercials and stuff. And she wanted to get into weddings. So we had her, she gave us a good deal because she hadn't done many weddings. But we had her do it with her boyfriend. And they honestly, they would have been invited to the wedding anyways. So like it all worked out. And they made us like a really cool video. So that's how we chose them.

[00:40:06] I mean, again, like not super, not super, not super picky, to be honest. Gotcha. And now on pre-wedding celebrations, what was your favorite part of your bridal shower and your bachelorette party? Since my mother-in-law hosted the bridal shower, she like, she kind of gave a speech. And then my new like sister-in-law gave a speech at the bridal shower. And that was like, I don't know, that was just like really sweet. I wasn't expecting that. And I like started crying at the bridal shower.

[00:40:35] Aww, that's so sweet. I was like, wait, this is so sweet. Because yeah, me and my sister-in-law are pretty close because we're like the same age. She got married like six months after I did. So that was really sweet. Yeah, that was really sweet. And then let's see, the bachelorette. Favorite moment. We just went to like day clubs. Oh. On my bachelorette. Like a lot. So it was fun just like hanging out by the pool and drinking and having fun and everything.

[00:41:03] Let's see, we went to like a, my friends just know me very well. So we went to like a spin class too. That was a lot of fun. Oh, nice. Like cycling. On my bachelorette. Yeah, cycling class. But we went to Miami. And like, I'm not really like a stay out late kind of girl anymore. But like, we would just party during the day. So that was like perfect for me. Like to party during the day and then kind of chill at night. Just like us. And one night, well actually this is probably my favorite part. We like went to the beach like after a day of partying and just like hung out in like pajamas and like rolled around in the sand. Aw.

[00:41:32] Kind of like gross, but like it was fun. To be at the beach at night. Like just us. And we all had like matching sweatshirts on. Like that was fun. Aw, that's cute. That's a fun time. Mm-hmm. And now kind of pivoting to wedding day reflections. What would you say was the most exciting and then most challenging part of planning? Hmm. I wasn't a big fan of the planning to be honest. Yeah. So I'm thinking most exciting and I'm like, oh.

[00:42:03] I mean, it was like kind of fun. Like picking out certain things, but I just, I wanted the day to be perfect, but like I'm not a very good planner. Mm, gotcha. It's kind of hard for me honestly to think about the most exciting part. Probably, I mean like coordinating with like friends and family was fun. Like talking about it and stuff like that. But like I didn't actually like choosing things. It is tough. You get like analysis paralysis looking at all the options. Yeah.

[00:42:30] And then challenging was probably just like everyone has an opinion. Like friends, family, planner, me, my husband. So just like wanting to kind of like make sure everybody felt like they had a voice was probably the most challenging part while also like trying to choose what I want. Gotcha. That makes sense. And now I'm curious. How did you kind of like handle the differing opinions during the planning process?

[00:42:58] I just made sure that like it was give and take for everybody. Like, hey, okay, I know you didn't get to choose the food, but you did get to choose like the venue location or something like that. Or like, yeah, I know, you know, yeah. Just making sure that like, hey, like we hear you. I respect your opinion, but like this is still what we're going with. Mm-hmm. And just being like, hey, highlighting like, hey, but you did get to choose this. So I'm like still like asking opinions. But then I don't know.

[00:43:25] It is like ultimately like respect like our family, our friends and everything. But like ultimately, like it was me, my husband's wedding. So we were like, okay, we do have to be the final decision makers here, guys. But me and my husband did like compromise on some things, especially like when you are getting your families to help pay for it. You do kind of have to like, you know, take a lot of what they want into consideration. And we were very grateful to have them pay for it too. Yeah, it's always super sweet of family to contribute in that way. And it does make sense.

[00:43:54] Like I feel like everyone like has like a vision of like how the day is going to go and like what it's going to look like, feel like. And then they're like, oh, I kind of pictured it here. And you're like, I kind of pictured it there. Yeah. And even though like there were some disagreements about the process, like at the end of the day, like at the wedding and then after the wedding, everyone was like, oh, like none of those mattered. It was perfect. It only mattered like who was like that we had everybody together. So like during the process, it might have been a little bit stressful at times.

[00:44:23] But then afterwards, it was very like, nope, it doesn't matter. Like we had a fun time. Like even if we would have had like disasters, it still would have been like a good day. So yeah, that makes sense. I feel like wedding day and after wedding day, everything just like kind of washes away. Yeah, exactly. And now I'm curious, how did you stay present and enjoy your wedding day? That's a good question. I don't know. I just kept reminding myself like the day is going to go so fast. Like I definitely like was not on my phone at all.

[00:44:52] And I like kept reminding myself to like hang out with my husband because there were so many people there. But I'm like, okay, the day is still about us. So we like talked about that beforehand because we're both like good at like being people pleasers and like running off and like trying to like talk to everybody. But like I just like set the expectation at the beginning of, you know, before the wedding, like we're not going to talk to everybody and that's going to be okay. Yeah. Especially with 175 people. It's kind of hard to like even have a five minute conversation with every single person. You can't.

[00:45:22] Like it's physically impossible. That would actually take you 10 hours. It literally would. Yeah. Yeah. And now what part of your wedding would you say went the best? I don't know. Nothing was like, I would say like the, nothing went perfectly. That was actually one of my favorite parts about the day is that like nothing went as planned, which was just so funny.

[00:45:50] I mean, we had all the right people there and like the feedback that we got afterwards was like, we can like, even like my parents, friends who like don't notice very well, or like my friend's boyfriend who had never met Derek before just because like, yeah, like we were in North Carolina, like with people from Minnesota, like, I don't know, we were long distance for a little bit too. Like everyone was like, we can tell how much you guys love each other and like how, like how good the people are you have around you?

[00:46:18] Like there was just like a lot of people were like, we could feel the love on the day. And that was probably like the most special part. So I'd say that probably is what went the best, which is the most important, but like our officiant screwed up the ceremony, which is like hilarious. Like everybody, he forgot the I do's. So like everyone was laughing about that. That was so funny. You know, Lily, she was steaming my dress and like while she was steaming it, she accidentally like twisted it and it like burned her stomach.

[00:46:45] So like that, I was trying to think of like, oh, are the getting ready was fine. I'm like, no, like Lily got hurt. She was okay and she's fine now. But like that was kind of like a stressful moment. And she was like being really chill and like bless her, honestly. But that was definitely like getting ready. And then photos, we didn't have as much time. And we really had to go like, you know, like Derek's family, Bailey's family, grandma, grandpa, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because we had 30 less minutes because it was raining. And like it was raining Darren Golding out. So like nothing went on schedule.

[00:47:15] We forgot certain things. Like people got hurt. Like, but it all ended up still being like a good, like a fun, like good day. That's good. Yeah. I feel like, like you were saying like earlier about just like people could feel the love between the two of you, like regardless of like how much time they had had with both of you as a couple. I feel like that is like, I don't know how to explain it, but like as a guest, like that just changes the vibe, like it just makes it that much more genuine.

[00:47:42] Like if you can feel the love in the room of like, you can really feel these two people are like, yeah, it doesn't matter what happens for the rest of the day. Like we've planned all this stuff, but like what really matters is like we care about each other. We're going to be married at the end of this. Like that's what this day is for. Exactly. And now kind of pivoting to advice for future brides. What advice would you give to couples just starting to plan? The budget is what can make things messy, to be honest, especially if you have like multiple people paying for it.

[00:48:12] So like I would like dot my I's and cross my T's. Like I would ask questions like, okay, what is the all in cost of the food? Just to like make sure you set those expectations first. Cause we kind of thought we were going to be all good. Like even like both of our parents were like, yeah, yep. We'll stay like under this number and just everything like kept creeping. So we should have done more research on like what things are actually going to cost. And I think that's probably, that's not a hot take.

[00:48:40] Cause every single person I've talked to that's planned a wedding is like, we started here. We ended up 50% over the planned costs just cause like there's so many different things that creep in. So it's just like being as detailed as possible. And I almost think like a wedding planner is great, but if that's out of your budget, like you could probably use AI now to like think about like every single parameter that could, yeah, that you need to take into consideration for the budget. But I would say that's probably like when I talk to anybody who's planned a wedding, that's

[00:49:08] like the most, like the hardest factor was like the budget. So we should have looked into that earlier on like all the different contingencies. Gotcha. Yeah. I think that that like is very common across the board. Like I think everyone like runs into some type of scope creep, even if it's like small, it's like, wait, that's a fee or I need that or I need to pay for that. Or like, wait, that's not included in this.

[00:49:32] But I also like totally think AI is like going to be the future of like brides DIYing and planning their wedding without a wedding planner. Not to say that like right now it knows everything because you still kind of have to give it the right questions. But like you could, I've personally consulted it so much in my own wedding planning process. I had like three tables for catering and dessert and cocktail hour. And I was like, I don't want to rent another table if I can.

[00:50:01] AI, how can I flip these tables throughout the night? Is it possible? And AI was like, well, if you do it with table A, B, and C, I'm like, yep. Thank you for putting A, B, and C. I don't know if I would have labeled them. I think I would have just been like table, table, table, maybe one, two, three. But yeah, no, like all that to say, I feel like AI, like it just makes the thinking through things easier, especially if you're asking it the right question. So I think, yeah, totally. If you don't have a planner using AI, it's totally the way to go.

[00:50:30] I mean, AI existed when we were planning our, like we were planning our wedding mostly in 2024. So like it existed, but I wouldn't say it was like as widely used. So we probably started using it like later in the process, but that would probably be advice. That I'd give. Just make sure you're taking everything into consideration. Even like, like towards like the last month, we were like, wait, we need like toiletries in the bathroom, like deodorant. We need to like feed the bridal party while they're getting ready. And it's like, okay, that's like another like sneaky $500. Yeah. You know, which is like a lot.

[00:51:00] But like me and my husband, we ended up paying for like a lot of like the odds and ends, I would say, which is, yeah, perfect. We were perfectly like fine with that. And we were lucky we had all the help that we had. Hmm. That's nice. And now kind of like on the AI and like tools thing. Are there any apps that you'd recommend to couples in the process of planning or any services? I loved using Zola. Hmm.

[00:51:25] I know it's probably similar to like, I know like the not is out there too, but Zola like had a, like a, even like a seating chart feature. I thought that was really cool. And then we also did our entire registry on Zola and they still have all of our addresses. So like, I actually use that for Christmas cards this year too. Oh, that's so smart. But yeah, I really liked using Zola. Otherwise, no, I don't think we used anything else. Yeah.

[00:51:55] Yeah. Excel. Oh, yes. Spreadsheets for sure. And I love Zola. Zola's great. Yeah. And now where did you guys go for your honeymoon and how did you choose it? Ooh, this one was fun. So we actually, we got a gift for the honeymoon. So we had like some extra budget. And so we ended up, we wanted to go to Europe and we, at first we wanted to go to Greece, but again, I'm like very pale.

[00:52:25] So I was like, wait, I'm just going to get summer the entire time. I'm sure it'd be beautiful, but we've both been to Italy and we like absolutely loved it. So we went to the Almalfi coast for seven days. And then after that, we went to Spain. So we went to Barcelona and then we went to Madrid. So we were like traveling all over the place and it was so much fun. My husband, like he's super into planning actually, not really into the wedding, but I told him like, Hey, I'll take on the wedding. You take on the full honeymoon.

[00:52:54] So like, I didn't even know what we were doing, which was amazing. Cause he's a great planner. And we just had like the best time. I think I feel really bad saying this, but like the best day of my life might not have been the wedding. It was the day when we were on the Amalfi coast on a scooter. He used to drive a moped in college. So we were just like going up and down the coast, like going to different like wineries and museums. And it was just like, literally like, I was like Hillary Duff. It was amazing. I love that. We had the best time. Oh, that's cute.

[00:53:24] And so did he plan it all by himself? No travel agent? Yep. He planned it all by himself. I think he used a lot of AI for that on like where to stay, but like booked the flights, booked the Airbnbs, like all the different like events that we did. He did all that too. So, wow. He was really good. And we're going to Japan too for our one year because there's direct flights from Minneapolis, which is awesome. But he is also planning that. So he's definitely our trip planner, which is nice.

[00:53:55] That's awesome. I love that. I feel like that's just like a massive skill that I'm like, yep, someone else could, someone else can plan trips. Yeah, because I'm so bad on it. And I love like, I just love going off vibes to be honest, but he cannot just go off vibes. I feel like with international travel, like vibes are great, but like for planning, like it's nice to like have a plan that the vibes can exist within. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. That is true.

[00:54:20] I was in Paris the other weekend for work and like, I just, I had a day to myself and I just like literally wandered from shop to shop and just had like the best time. So I kind of like doing things without expectations. Yeah. Which is like kind of what I wanted for the wedding, but it's impossible to do it for a wedding. So that's why I think why I didn't enjoy planning as much, but it ended up perfect and we all the best day ever. So. I love that. Well, awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here with me today. Yeah, no problem. This was fun.